I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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