Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am one with the molecules
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
