It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
