i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
