Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
