I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
