i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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