I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
