If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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