So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
