I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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