i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
