I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
