Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
