Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize