Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
