The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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