I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
