I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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