I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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