I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
