Me too!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
