Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
