wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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