dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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