Are we in a gay sports bar?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
