He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
