idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
