PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
