Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
