you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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