My cat gives me a boner
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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