Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
