now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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