Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
