Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
