Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
