apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
