I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
