I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
