Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize