Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
