my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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