Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
