nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
