i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
