goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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