I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
