I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
