ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
