I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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