i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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