I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
