My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
