Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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