I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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