she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
