She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize