so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
