my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Omg I joined a choir last night...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
