i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I didn't notice because vodka
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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