just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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