So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
