He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You have to summon your inner elephant
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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