ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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