I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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