Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I party with great urgency now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
