Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
