Screwed.edu
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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