I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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