...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize